Self-Ashtualisation

Books? Hooked. All booked up, in fact – and fiction, though sometimes life’s not without the occasional bookish friction, more precisely called the DNFriction, whose short, sharp existence, read and unread, has the surreal smell and sound of the soundest non-fiction. Neat words? Not quite, as you’ll soon discover in my probably-quite-judgy-eyed, not-quite- confident conclusions – all unfinished, inconclusive and off course, of course.   The first book I’ve ever unfriended from my precious reading time zone is a bit of a presumptuous character, for it contains this character who keeps assuming I know everything, when I most certainly do not. You know, you know, you know! In every page she keeps screaming, or rather pretends to shout at other characters, when you and I know she’s yelling at me, me, me, defensively urging me to keep reading that plotless book she’s in, one that needs urgent attention, as much as it can get – and maybe more as I snore

   Self-help books, We have all heard of those mysterious entities, haven’t we? Some of us find them absolutely inspirational whilst others, total tosh. The question I am asking in this post, as the title has highlighted, is, ‘If they were human beings, would they be genuine or toxic friends to me?’    I have decided to use the friend analogy because to me, reading a self-help book is like getting to know a stranger. I don’t trust them right away, but I’ll be openhearted so that I can get to know them. Cultivating friendships takes time – at least for an introverted person who values deep and genuine relationships like me – and so does digesting the content of self-help books. As I read and after I’ve finished reading a self-help book, I’ll reflect on these questions, because I need to and because being a highly sensitive person and consequently reader, my mind can’t help doing so: ·        Is it trying to empower or overpower me? ·        Is it judgemental or accepting of me?

   When I was in my first year at university – if I remember it correctly – a good friend shared with me an internship opportunity that should have been unmissable. As the title of this post suggested, it was a radio internship – an opportunity I had always longed for, as someone who was, and still am and will always be, fascinated by euphony. Growing up as it were listening to the BBC, I had always dreamt of becoming a radio journalist for that corporation and a voice over artist. To be those things, I realised that I definitely needed some work experiences, so that radio internship opportunity could not have come at a better time indeed. And yet … and yet … I said no … even when – because I could not drive – the good friend offered to drive me if I managed to get the internship! Oh what a fool I had been! Looking back, whilst I knew deep down that I’d regret saying no at the time, I did not know how huge the impact of that missed opportunity would have on my career prospects. Most