Self-Help Books, Friends or Frenemies?

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   Self-help books, We have all heard of those mysterious entities, haven’t we? Some of us find them absolutely inspirational whilst others, total tosh. The question I am asking in this post, as the title has highlighted, is, ‘If they were human beings, would they be genuine or toxic friends to me?’

   I have decided to use the friend analogy because to me, reading a self-help book is like getting to know a stranger. I don’t trust them right away, but I’ll be openhearted so that I can get to know them. Cultivating friendships takes time – at least for an introverted person who values deep and genuine relationships like me – and so does digesting the content of self-help books. As I read and after I’ve finished reading a self-help book, I’ll reflect on these questions, because I need to and because being a highly sensitive person and consequently reader, my mind can’t help doing so:

·       Is it trying to empower or overpower me?

·       Is it judgemental or accepting of me?

·       Does it expect me to be myself or someone different?

·       What does transformation entail according to this book – self-denial or self-acceptance + growth?

·       Are the lessons in the book harmful or helpful to me? How do they make me feel?

·       What does it sound like when it is speaking to me, as it were – gentle and supportive, or patronising and condescending?

·       Does it make me more confident, or doubt myself as a person?

·       Do I feel gaslighted or manipulated?

And yes:

·       Do we share the same interests and core values, since I won’t have anything in common with a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People for instance, not being someone who values shallow friendships or using my friends for personal gain.

 

   So, self-help books, friends or frenemies? I’ll have to get to know them individually before I can answer that. That said, I might still read How to Win Friends and Influence People when I need to research a toxic frenemy character for a poem, short story or novel 😜

 

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