27 Things I’ve Learnt in 27 Years

Three days late but here it is – a list of the 27 things I’ve learnt in 27 years, one I was supposed to write on my birthday on 17 Sep. Better late than never I suppose, so here I am, writing and reflecting. I’m not sure how many of the lessons I’ve learnt are universal or even if they would still apply to me a year or ten later, however change and growth are to be embraced and celebrated, so here goes:

 

1)    Being flexible and adaptable doesn’t mean you’re being false to yourself. Instead, flexibility and adaptability are qualities that will mentor your evolving self towards greater self-awareness and self-knowledge, opening your eyes to your previously untapped potentials.

2)    Some dreams take longer to come true but that’s OK, or in fact more than – the process is perhaps to be celebrated. As an aspiring novelist and a newbie blogger, I have learnt that writing is not the only act that will get my novel written and that completing blog posts is similarly not the only thing I need to do to achieve my blogging goals. Would short cuts be nice, though? Well it would but the niceness of those short cuts might be cut short because of one’s lack of enjoyment of the process.

3)    Listen to your body or more specifically, to its unique needs. Sometimes even doctors get some things wrong. I’ve had to learn this the hard way after disregarding my family’s suggestion that I might be allergic to exercise, being underweight. Like the doctors I’d consulted, I believed that exercise was good for everyone and that it could never be harmful. I ignored my body’s desperate cry for me to stop until I experienced a drastic weight loss (amongst other health issues). This was particularly alarming because I was already underweight as it was. It challenged me to do some research to find out if they were underweight individuals like me whose bodies were allergic to exercise. There were, as it turned out. I had to try everything so I stopped exercising, grudgingly, not quite on my own accord. My body’s cry for help was getting louder, as it were, so I thought everything was worth trying. And bingo! My dear body’s recovery coincided with my stopping exercising and that was how I learnt to listen to it.

4)    Making new friends is scary but it can be rewarding. My experiences of forming new friendships have opened my eyes to more kindness indeed. I am enriched with stimulating conversations too.

5)    Be grateful for what and who you have. Every time I heard the mere mention of gratitude in the past, I used to mentally shout ‘toxic positivity’ the way you’d scream ‘blue murder’. I’m serious. Now I’ve realised that ‘thank you’ actually means ‘I see, love and appreciate you’ instead of ‘I’m just politely following the boring social norm by saying this’.

6)    Accept your insecurity but don’t let it stay so long that it decides to summon your frenemy procrastination to run your life unawares. I let all that happen last week and look where it got me? It led me to fail to complete a single blog post!

7)    Nuance can be the most beautiful and perhaps even the most universal thing about us. I’m certainly not a textbook introvert and in fact, my friend has told me that challenging stereotypes is what I am best at. I am committed to reminding myself of that whenever I feel tempted to stay in my comfort zone and stop evolving. Also, because human beings are complex, I need to remind myself to avoid judging and stereotyping others too.

8)    Giving someone the benefit of the doubt doesn’t make you naïve and trusting. Rather it makes you more receptive to expanding your friendship horizons. When you suspend judgement and strive to understand those around you and see the best in them, your existing friendships and other relationships will also be deepened. That said:

9)    Do not ignore your screaming alarm bells when you know deep down that some of your relationships are toxic. If you can walk away, do not hesitate. Self-love and personal boundaries matter.

10) The ‘mute’ button on your social media apps and your iPhone’s ‘focus mode’ are there for a reason. Utilise them for productivity and to respect your own boundaries.

11) Stop self-sabotaging by making excuses when opportunities to realise your dreams are staring you in the eye. Not being good enough yet is the daftest of all excuses. If you do not even try, how will you ever be good enough? Duh!

12) If possible, don’t reach for your mobile or Google distracting guilty pleasures on your laptop whenever you need a short break from writing, because five minutes can turn into five hours if you aren’t careful. Instead, sit still and let yourself daydream of whatever you like until your mind feel rested and then crack on with work. Or go for a walk. Or meditate. Do whatever that mentally rejuvenates you.  Non-meditative mindful pauses work wonders for my brain. Something else might work for you. Find it and stick to it, instead of flushing your productivity down the toilet of mindless scrolling.

13) Your commitments to self matters, so don’t commit to something when you’re not ready and when you are, no empty promises please or you’ll feel guilty and unfulfilled as hell.

14) Know your limits. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Your physical and mental health won’t thank you if you do.

15) Know your limitlessness. I can’t emphasise this enough, especially after encountering multiple circumstances that have forced me to step out of my comfort zone and let my old self evolve.

16) A little kindness – both to yourself and others – goes a long way.

17) Whatever you do, remember to read every day. I have found that, because reading is my favourite pastime, the ravenous sensation is palpable every time I let a day go by without reading, so I’ve since learnt that however busy I am, reading is my must-have daily meal.

18) In my sister’s extremely wise words, ‘Social networking won’t make you a social butterfly. Embrace the opportunity to be more open-minded. At the end of the day, you will still be you.’

19) Blessings in disguise really do exist. They’re not things people make up to make themselves feel better. I’ve had to spend most of my birthday lying in bed listening to my ‘Favourites’ playlist on Spotify thanks to a stomach upset, but really, thanks to it my mental health is restored and I have started being a productive writer again.

20) Failure and success are interdependent, so when you accept failure, you’ll be ready to treasure success and the process that leads to it. They are like darkness and light – you need to face the former to appreciate, apart from the latter, how far you’ve come to find success, all thanks to the darkness you’ve bravely confronted.

21) Age, nationality, social status, religion and gender and sexual orientation – all these do not matter in friendship. I’ve had the privilege to befriend people from all walks of life and they have never stopped inspiring me and enriching my life.

22) You can be both empathic and authentic at the same time. Don’t listen to those who tell you that’s impossible. They just haven’t learnt to be congruent.

23) Do not confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. They’re in fact polar opposites.

24) Sometimes you need to ban the word ‘phoney’ from your vocabulary. Do not make that sort of assumption about people before you get to know them. First impressions are often unreliable.

25) Embrace uncertainties by reframing them as possibilities. They are opportunities to be creative – to shine as you.

26) In my friend’s powerful words, ‘Think of fear as false evidence appearing real.’

27) To paraphrase one of my heroes Carl Rogers, ‘Don’t say you’re old full stop. Say you’re older and growing.’

 

So there you have it – what I’ve learnt in all 27 years of my life so far. I’d love to know what you think. Keep learning, evolving and shining as you. Until next time xx