What I Have Learnt in 2020

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My introspective mood today and my compulsion to write have given birth to this…

 

1)   Growing up or older and growing?

·         In a beautiful essay the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, he asked himself whether he was ‘growing old’ or ‘old and growing’. This rhetorical question for myself was inspired by that exploration as I would like to remind myself not to stop growing by refusing to ‘grow up, full stop’ but continue to grow. Accepting every evolving version of me is also paramount for growth (see no 10).

2)   A (firm) note on multitasking:

·         Which states, ‘Multitasking, Ashley, applies to everything you do. Once more, everything, meaning, not just physical tasks but also mental and psychological ones such as prioritising and healing emotional wounds… One wound at a time.’

3)   Has the unconditional love I think I have experienced been real and do I still believe in unconditional love?

·         I have pondered on this long and hard and I believe that the key words to the question are ‘self-serving bias,’ ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ and ‘the power’. I love myself unconditionally, I believe in spirituality and I know that there must be someone or a few individuals who love(s) me unconditionally too. Do those beliefs clash? I don’t think so.

4)   Mirrors and reflections…

·         Here are some things I’ve learnt the awfully hard way – when I judge others, I end up judging myself harder; and when I distrust those who care, I distrust myself to the point that my self-belief nearly cease! Some lessons indeed…

5)   Self-flagellation is not the best tool to rebuild trust; in fact, it might undo the foundation of trust re-established.

·         Because if you flagellate yourself, your trust in your own ability to rebuild trust shrinks. Note also that when self-flagellation is misspelt and it diminishes your self-confidence as a consequence, self-flagellation ceases to be and it is replaced by elf-flagellation. Now isn’t that scary?

6)   Your beliefs and relationships will be tested, retested, retested and retested.

·         Why shouldn’t they be? After all, life is just as mischievous as you, constantly testing and retesting. There is nothing to do but enjoy the games. You could strike life dumb with your witty answers to its tests.

7)   You never know what the future holds.

·         Another way of saying, ‘Things often do and don’t go to plan and either way should be fine if you hang in there.’

8)   The worst first impression you can make of someone is, ‘They don’t like me.’

·         Because if they do like you after all, you will be tempted to flagellate yourself and the process of talking yourself out of doing it will be very tough indeed.

9)   Too many feelings, too little time…

·         So choose the ones you want to read (into) very very carefully to be productive.

10)               Unconditional self-love is flexible; if you let one version of yourself define the entire you, your love of yourself becomes conditional.

·         I have recently realised that I have unconsciously told myself, ‘Ashley, look at the person you were in 2018. She was more intelligent, kinder, wittier, more interesting and articulate and worthier of love than you are now. Be like her because she is the real you. I can’t love you as you are at the moment because you’re not true,’ and how much the comparison has hurt me. Agonising lesson indeed… Like every other version of me, this version of Ashley is the real me. I have evolved and I need to accept who I am now with unconditional love.

11)               Whilst it is true that certain fears need to be taken seriously, serious (positive) changes will occur when the rest are not taken too seriously.

·         The baffling paradox of life indeed – one that I have just discovered this year. One more paradox to be added to the collection!

Comments

  1. J12 November 2020 at 13:42

    Don’t ever doubt your self-worth. Because you are priceless! ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley Marilynne Wong13 November 2020 at 07:29

      Thank you for your beautiful comment and your support <3

      Delete

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