Proving Others Wrong Remains the Worst Decision I Have Made in Life

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   It remains in a sense a mystery to me why some people believe that tearing someone down is a way to build them up. From my limited ability to see things from those individuals' perspectives, they believe that when they criticise someone, it will get through their defences, making them change as a means of retaliating. If that is an accurate and fair assessment - I think it is because some of them admit to having such an intention - doesn't the need for change they have, to their minds, successfully fostered stem from anger, rage and even vengeance? Won't those negative feelings they have cultivated damage one's sense of self? Why do they expect 'You are useless. I don't believe in you,' to be taken as motivational, supportive words, when they could have said the opposite, thereby being truthful?

   My decision to prove my teachers wrong at primary school still haunted me, dragging me down at my lowest moments. Apparently in order to encourage me to do better, two of them told me that I would get straight 'bs' in my exam instead of straight 'As'. Feeling hurt and acting on the defensive, I went and proved them wrong, thus leaving a scar of misery that I am still trying to heal and forgive myself for. The free spirit in me resents how I was manipulated, how I let others' led me by the nose...

   I need to persist, not to give up - the belief that one day I'll find it in me to forgive those who have hurt me by tearing me down to so-called build me up and forgive myself, needs to exist so that I can attract the power of positivity. Meanwhile, I will gently build and tap into my existing inner confidence, and remember the lesson that tearing myself to pieces, if it ever builds me up, will only create a mask, a false inage that sucks my positive energy like a vampire. I shall continue giving myself affirmations, telling myself, 'I believe in you. You are an imperfectly beautiful work in progress.'

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