Self-Ashtualisation

   It remains in a sense a mystery to me why some people believe that tearing someone down is a way to build them up. From my limited ability to see things from those individuals' perspectives, they believe that when they criticise someone, it will get through their defences, making them change as a means of retaliating. If that is an accurate and fair assessment - I think it is because some of them admit to having such an intention - doesn't the need for change they have, to their minds, successfully fostered stem from anger, rage and even vengeance? Won't those negative feelings they have cultivated damage one's sense of self? Why do they expect 'You are useless. I don't believe in you,' to be taken as motivational, supportive words, when they could have said the opposite, thereby being truthful?    My decision to prove my teachers wrong at primary school still haunted me, dragging me down at my lowest moments. Apparently in order to encourage me to do be

To be a-mused by a muse Is no laughing matter As the aspiring-respiring-perspiring writer Is charged with the muse-ic, electric shock of dismissal When the muse gives up on its charge Or the writing/the charged decides to unplug herself From that guardian-angelic muse’s Delightful-painful Jolting electric slaps   But to be un-a-mused by a muse Is similarly grating, jarring ‘Electric shocks on your teeth’ sort of jarring Especially when the beginning novelist Plans to submit to the convulsive therapy Executed by the muse-turned psychiatrist Whose medication aims To make the writer spit the truth, Coat the spat truth on her fingertips And teleport it onto the doc-prescribed Word doc. .

  1)     Authenticity – To continue staying true. 2)     Bravery – To speak out against injustice and to say what I want to say through art. 3)     Creativity – To self-actualise; to spread love and beauty; to heal. 4)     Dreaminess – To appreciate the wonders of the world and experience the power of dreams. 5)     Empathy – To listen without judgements to others perspectives and to my own needs, cultivating understanding and acceptance in the process. 6)     Faith – In my abilities, positivity and the universe. 7)     Gratitude – For all the beautiful things and people I am blessed with. 8)     Honesty – To myself and others for genuine relationships. 9)     Introspection – For self-awareness, self-discovery, learning and growth. 10) Joy – Because true happiness matters and some things deserve to be celebrated. 11) Knowledge – For lifelong learning and to continue expanding my limitless horizons. 12) Love – To learn to love and be loved unconditionally.

My introspective mood today and my compulsion to write have given birth to this…   1)    Growing up or older and growing? ·          In a beautiful essay the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, he asked himself whether he was ‘growing old’ or ‘old and growing’. This rhetorical question for myself was inspired by that exploration as I would like to remind myself not to stop growing by refusing to ‘grow up, full stop’ but continue to grow. Accepting every evolving version of me is also paramount for growth (see no 10). 2)    A (firm) note on multitasking: ·          Which states, ‘Multitasking, Ashley, applies to everything you do. Once more, everything, meaning, not just physical tasks but also mental and psychological ones such as prioritising and healing emotional wounds… One wound at a time.’ 3)    Has the unconditional love I think I have experienced been real and do I still believe in unconditional love? ·          I have pondered on this long and hard and I